Starlight
by Penelope Applegate
Summary: "Starlight, I will be chasing your starlight until the end of my life - I don't know if it's worth it anymore." When Mako breaks up with Korra, leaving her lost, alone, and heartbroken, how will she find the strength to move on? Hint: man-friends.
1. Starlight

***~*~*Starlight*~*~***_  
_

_What am I doing, what am I doing, what am I doing?_

His mantra rang through his head over and over like a broken record. This suit was uncomfortable and stiff, and the raggedy red scarf didn't help the look. He knew she'd been irritated when he stubbornly refused to take it off for the evening. At this point, however, the offense was long forgotten. She'd moved on to playing the good little hostess, greeting guests and thanking everyone for coming. People seemed to gravitate towards her, basking in her glow and remarking how amazing it was that the world's greatest bender was so down to earth and friendly.

He also knew she was stubborn, hot-headed, and obnoxious.

The coy glances she occasionally cast in his direction did nothing to alleviate his discomfort. He didn't know anybody here. It was a gala to benefit the Republic City Children's Hospital. The room was full of politicians and wealthy people - and he didn't fit in with either group. Korra probably didn't fit in either - the difference was that she didn't care. And tonight, dressed in her form-fitting, sleeveless, floor-length blue gown with her soft chocolate locks piled in curls on the top of her head, nobody would have believed she didn't fit in. She was absolutely stunning. She was more than stunning. She was breathtaking. And he could hardly stand watching her from the corner this way. He wanted more than anything to be with her, at her arm, basking in her glow as well. But he couldn't. He was awkward and stilted in these situations, and he would only hold her back.

Honestly, he wouldn't have come if she hadn't been so obnoxiously persistent. When threatening him and calling him names didn't work, she resorted to the pouty face. And then promised to make it worth his while.

He hardly ever said no to Korra.

_What am I doing, what am I doing, what am I doing?_

He had been doubting their relationship lately. Sure, he was once a probending champion, and now he had just finished training in the police academy, but he wasn't on _her_ level, and he probably would never be. Despite her imperfections and flaws, he knew he had a tendency to put her on a pedestal. As if she were perfect. She knew it, and she hated it, but the fact of the matter was that he still couldn't believe that she - the Avatar! - could love someone as insignificant as him.

He was forever chasing her starlight.

He wasn't sure if it was worth it anymore. And he had no idea what he was doing standing in the corner acting as if he actually might belong to this scene.

He couldn't keep up this charade.

And so, when her back was turned, he quickly slipped out the door and into the dark, moonlit night.

* * *

He was gone.

She didn't know when he'd left, or where he'd went, but he was gone.

And she wasn't very happy about it.

But this was her gala, and she had to keep smiling, keep laughing at her guests' less-than-funny jokes, keep dancing with the various men who were brave enough to ask, keep hostessing. And she _hated_ it. Her feet ached, the dress was too tight on her armpits, and with Mako gone, she had no motivation to keep going. She was the Avatar, however, and she had been taught well. She didn't mope, and she didn't pout. Nobody knew exactly what was going on in her mind. The evening turned out to be a great success, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

The party had wound down enough that she could leave Asami and Tenzin in charge of things, and she didn't waste any time in escaping that stuffy building. In the back of her mind, she knew the children at the hospital would greatly appreciate her efforts, but she was too exhausted - and angry - to care.

She burst into Mako's apartment without knocking. He shouldn't have left his door unlocked, anyway. She found him lounging on the couch, sipping tea and listening to the radio.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" she yelled, slamming the door behind her. She had to fight to resist the urge to charge across the room and choke him.

"How was the gala?" he asked coolly, unperturbed by her temper tantrum.

"It _sucked_, thanks for asking. Too bad you didn't stick around to find out!" she shot back accusingly.

"It looked like it was going rather well, to me." He stared down into his mug, carefully avoiding her eyes.

"Sure, yeah, lots of money for the kids, whatever." She waved her hand dismissively. "But _you_ were supposed to be there for me. And you bailed. What gives, Mako?"

He sighed a very tired sigh, still avoiding her gaze. "I don't want to talk about it tonight, Korra."

It was hard to fight with someone who wouldn't fight back. And the fact that he wasn't fighting back unnerved her. Something was wrong. "Well I _do_!" she insisted hotly, crossing her arms in front of her. "You completely abandoned me, and you won't even tell me why." He got up and walked into the kitchen. She followed hot on his heels, becoming more uncomfortable with every second that passed. He was acting so _strange_.

He stood in front of the sink, gripping the edges to support himself. When he spoke at last, his voice was subdued. "I think we should take a break."

She felt as if she had taken a hit to the chest and actually stumbled backwards. "You - what?" was the best response she could muster. The room was beginning to spin around her, and she wasn't sure she could form a complete sentence.

"It's just... we're very different people, Korra. I don't think it will work for us."

He might as well have ripped her heart out of her chest, thrown it to the floor, and stomped it into oblivion. "Mako, you - you don't really believe that, do you?" He didn't answer immediately, and she found herself rushing to his side. She peered up into his face as if she might find the real answer there, as if she could find what she _wanted_ to see. But he was completely unresponsive. He was serious.

"Mako... please. What's wrong, really?" she begged, not caring that she might sound more than a little pathetic. "Tell me, _please_. Let me fix this. Why are you being this way?"

She put a hand on his arm, but he shook her off and turned away, heading back towards the living room. She followed him numbly, not even sure if she was supposed to follow.

"Will you please just talk to me?" Her voice began to break as he continued to coldly ignore her. "Don't do this. I _know_ you don't mean it."

"Korra, just stop." He held up a hand for emphasis. "I told you I didn't want to talk tonight, and you pushed me into it. I just..." His voice trailed away as he stared off into the distance.

"You just _what_?" she demanded, fighting the tears building behind her eyes with a fervent aggression.

"I can't _do_ this anymore!" he suddenly exploded. She'd intentionally backed him into a corner, knowing he would respond this way. But any response was better than nothing.

"_What_ can't you do?!" She raised her voice to match his, clenching her fists at her side.

"I can't _be_ with you!"

It was a slap in the face that left her gasping for air. "Why... why?" she breathed, her chest heaving with the effort it took to speak after his brutal attack. He hung his head, giving her no other response. The pressure in her heart built until it felt as though it might explode.

"Mako... I..." She blinked away the tears, but it was useless. They began to spill down her cheeks. "Don't you love me?" He didn't look up at her, but she refused to give in that easily. She stepped forward, cradling his face in her hands. He cut his eyes to the side in attempt to avoid her, still. "Tell me you don't love me. Tell me, and I'll go."

He sighed, closing his eyes. She took his silence as encouragement and drew closer to him. Resting her brow against his, she leaned in to kiss him. He wouldn't be able to resist her if she kissed him. And she knew it. Their lips were only inches apart when he quietly said, "I don't love you anymore."

He less than gently pried himself away from her and escaped to the solitude of his bedroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

It was real. It was really happening.

Her knees gave out beneath her, and she sank to the floor, dissolving into tears.

* * *

He heard her crying and almost changed his mind. He wanted to run back into the living room and scoop her into his arms and say he was sorry and that he didn't mean any of the terrible things he said. But he stopped himself. He told himself that this was for the best. That now, she could find the love that she deserved.

He hadn't meant for this to happen tonight. He really hadn't. But she didn't realize it wasn't tea he was drinking. Alone and more than slightly tipsy, he was left to drown in his self-pity and doubts.

He shouldn't have done what he did. But he heard the front door slam shut and knew it was too late.

It was over.

* * *

_**I will be chasing your starlight  
Until the end of my life  
I don't know if it's worth it anymore**_

**I flipping love that song.**

**This will be a multi-chapter fic, but I honestly have no idea where I'm going with it. Just hadda get this idea outta my head.**


	2. Far Away, This Ship Is Takin Me Far Away

***~*~*Far Away, This Ship Is Taking Me Far Away*~*~***_  
_

He stared up at the metal bunk over his head, hardly believing what was happening. It felt like just yesterday he had crushed the woman he loved most, and now he was heading far away from her and anyone else in the world who cared anything about him. He was leaving Republic City on a ship bound for the military training camp. He had run away with the United Forces.

It had once seemed like the most logical thing to do. He couldn't escape her. She was everywhere he went. _Literally_. Being the Avatar meant being on billboards and on the radio and on the street and in the police department and everything and everywhere and everyone until he couldn't take it anymore. He had to get away. She was suffocating him, and she didn't even have to speak with him.

They had, in fact, spoken only once since the break up. She had brought some trouble makers into the police department after taking the three of them out single-handedly. He had always been impressed with her power and bending skill. He'd passed her while she spoke with Chief Bei Fong, and though he'd briskly walked away and disappeared around a corner into a supply closet, she had found him.

"Why are you avoiding me?" she demanded, slamming the door behind her.

"I'm... not," he said lamely, avoiding her piercing gaze.

"Right. That's why we're in a supply closet right now."

She had a point. He couldn't argue with her. He knew that all too well. "Korra..."

"You never told me _why_, Mako. Just..." She took a step closer to him as her voice broke, making him cringe inwardly for what he was doing to her. "Please. I just need to know _why_." He didn't answer immediately, but she would not give up. "What did I do wrong?"

"You did _nothing_ wrong, Korra!" he burst out, turning away from her and those big blue eyes that seemed to dig into his very soul.

"Then _why_ don't you love me?!" she cried, reaching out to grip his arm. Her grasp was firm and undetermined... and inescapable.

"I don't..." His inner struggle robbed him of words. He didn't want to let her go, but she needed to move on. She _had_ to. Even if she couldn't see it, she deserved so much more than he could offer. And yet he had never in his life loved a woman as fiercely as he loved her.

"I just don't understand..." The wavering in her voice nearly broke his determination. Nearly. "I thought things were great between us."

"Things were wonderful," he whispered before he could stop himself, closing his eyes and allowing his mind to drift back to what it felt like on the couch with her in his lap, snuggled into his neck as she told him she would love him forever. Or the way it felt the first time she kissed him, catching him off guard and setting his insides on fire. Or the way it felt the day he told her he would be a police officer and she jumped into his arms and told him how proud she was of him... He cut his heart off from the memories. "We can't go back, Korra."

"What _happened_?" she demanded again, her voice wrought with pain. He didn't answer immediately, and not for lack of trying. The words wouldn't come to him. "Mako...!" She twisted him around with hardly any effort and pulled him to her, securing her lips to his. He inhaled her scent deeply as she pressed her warm body against his, beginning to lose his head in her essence. His hands drifted naturally to her hips, locking her firmly into place. Her arms tangled themselves around his neck, and he really began to lose it.

"Korra," he muttered against her lips.

"I love you," she whispered softly, breaking through the fog in which he had found himself.

He pushed her away rather roughly, and though it was unintentional, he could see the hurt in her eyes as she stared up at him. "I can't do this," he said in a low but firm voice, gripping her by the arms. "I'm sorry."

The tears in her eyes started to spill over, but before she could say a word, he pushed past her and out of the supply closet. Within a week, he had signed up for the United Forces.

He left without telling her. He left without telling anyone, but for Bolin. Asami had found out purely by accident. She had shown up at his apartment the night before he left. Bolin had let her in, seemingly clueless to the fact that Mako didn't want to see _anybody_. At _all_. Bolin was in his own little world, dazed and confused and more than slightly shocked that his older brother was leaving him.

Asami glanced around his room at the disarray and the suitcase he was packing on his bed. "Where are _you_ going?" she asked, getting right to the point. He had always liked - and disliked - that about her.

"Away," he replied brusquely, not halting for a second from packing his things.

"Where away?" she persisted.

"Does it matter?"

"Does it matter that I care?"

He paused, but only for a second, though he didn't respond to her pointed question.

"I'm sorry," she sighed, "I just..." She tilted her head and studied him for a moment before she switched tactics. "You don't look like you plan on coming back anytime soon," she observed carefully.

"I don't," was his short response, but she was undeterred.

"Are you running away?"

"I don't run away from things," he lied with a casualness he found surprising.

"What about Korra?"

Her name was enough to stop in his tracks, but only for a split second. He knew Asami would have noticed even the slightest hesitation. "What about Korra?" he echoed with less sureness than before.

"I heard about... you two."

"Yes," was all he said, hoping she would drop the subject but knowing full well she wouldn't.

"Is that who you're running from?" Asami questioned, her arms crossed in front of her.

"What do you want me to say, Asami?" he burst out, turning to face his ex-girlfriend squarely. "I broke her heart. Just like yours. Are you happy?"

He knew his words were unfair and uncalled for, but he resumed packing anyway. These days, he wasn't very good at saying - or doing - much of anything, especially when it came to women.

"No," she said quietly, "I'm not. I don't quite understand why you did it."

"To you or to her?"

She was quiet for a moment, and he knew he'd struck a chord. He couldn't help himself. "To her," she clarified in a smooth voice that betrayed no emotion whatsoever.

"It was over," he said simply. She needed no further explanation.

"It didn't look that way to me, or to anyone else. Especially to Korra. Have you talked to her lately?"

"No," he lied again. It was becoming easy, this lying thing.

"She's broken. Not just broken-hearted. She's _broken_." She paused for a response, but he had none, and so she continued on. "Do you enjoy breaking girls' hearts, Mako? Is that what this is about?"

"What do you think, Asami?" he snarled hotly, throwing a crumpled shirt in his suitcase so hard that a dozen other things toppled out. He briefly considered setting the whole thing on fire.

"Hey, don't get mad at me, I'm just trying to figure you out," she said with more than a slight hint of sarcasm, throwing her hands in the air in a defensive pose. He felt the fire inside him begin to slowly burn out.

The silence in the room was heavy. He expected her to keep badgering him as she had been doing, but she didn't. She was waiting. Calculating. "I joined the United Forces," he said at last, his shoulders slumping.

"Come again?" she asked with genuine surprise, crossing her arms in front of her once more.

"I joined the United Forces." He sighed heavily, running his hand down his face. "I messed up, okay? I messed up big time. I broke her heart because... I don't even know why. All of my reasons... they seem so stupid now." He stared down at his feet, feeling like a complete fool. His errors were beginning to catch up to him and eat him alive. He _was_ running. "I just gotta get away for a while. I need to focus on me... clear my head."

"And you intend to do that with the United Forces?"

"Asami, don't you get it?" He whirled to face her. "I can't _be_ here and be constantly reminded of her, every minute, every hour, every day!" Her eyes flickered for a moment, and he knew she was recalling their own break up, and probably wondering if he had felt any kind of remorse over what he had done to her. He had - to a degree. And yet he hadn't because when Korra kissed him... He exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry," he apologized, though he wasn't quite sure for what he apologized.

"She would take you back," Asami stated flatly, her eyes cold as she stared him down.

"How do you know that?"

Her arms dropped to her side, and she crossed the room to stand in front of him. She looked up at him for a moment before laying a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Because _I_ would have," she said softly.

And just like that, she was gone. It wasn't until she had left his apartment that he realized he'd never asked her what brought her to his apartment in the first place. Now, as he lay on his back staring up at the cold, unforgiving metal over him, he closed his eyes and struggled to find sleep. He knew full well, however, that a certain brunette beauty would haunt his dreams, just as she did every other night.

* * *

"He did _what_?!" Korra exploded, making Bolin cringe like a girl.

"Don't shoot the messenger!" he quavered meekly, holding his hands up in front of him.

"Why would he _do_ that?!" she demanded as her heart cracked in two inside her chest. It seemed there would be no end to the hurt when it came to Mako.

"I don't know... some nonsense about getting away and clearing his head," Bolin mumbled lamely. She could tell he was pretty hurt, as well. She wasn't the only one who had been abandoned. Her anger softened at the look on his face.

"Well... I..." She was at a loss for words. What she really wanted to do was hunt Mako down and strangle him. And then probably toss him in the ocean. And yet here she was with someone who knew _exactly_ - well, almost - how she was feeling. "Hey." She sighed, peering up into his dejected green eyes. "Want to go get some noodles?"

To her relief, he cracked a small smile. "I'd love to!" he beamed, taking her arm in his as he lead her towards the ferry. "You know, I have a new earthbending move that I haven't shown you yet. Did I tell you that?"

She laughed, for the first time in a long while, and it felt really, really good. "No," she said with a smile, allowing herself to be lead. "You didn't."

* * *

**_Far away  
This ship is taking me far away  
Far away from the memories  
Of the people who care if I live or die  
Starlight  
I will be chasing your starlight  
Until the end of my life  
I don't know if it's worth it anymore_**

_**Hold you in my arms**_  
_**I just wanted to hold you in my arms**_


End file.
